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Episode 21: Storm in a Pee Cup

Tiffany was never really one for Solitaire. However, there was nothing else to do when she was covering the reception desk. Gertie, the firm’s receptionist, had her lunch break everyday at 1.00pm and the firm PAs took turns covering the desk for an hour each day.

"You're posting WHAT?" (Source: srulii.blogspot.com)

As she only has to sit at the desk for 40 minutes there was never enough time for her to get any of her own work done. So she sat at the reception desk with a vacant stare at the computer screen, click-click-clicking her way through the deck of virtual cards in pursuit of  matching suits.

It was the pits.

As Tiffany trawled through her fourth deck of cards, the lift doors opened and he emerged into the reception foyer.  As she glanced up at the she noticed that he looked unusually tired and forlorn. However, as soon as he caught her glance his face transformed into a makeshift smile.

He sauntered his way up to the reception desk. Upon his arrival, he placed his right forearm and left elbow on the reception counter, resting his head in his left hand. He looked down at Tiffany and beamed.

“How you doin’?”

Tiffany looked up at him, squinting her eyes in condescension.

“Ew.”

He laughed, then headed for the men’s toilets.  Tiffany returned to her game and sighed. She looked at the clock in the bottom right hand corner of the computer monitor. She had 10 minutes left. 10 more minutes and then she could return back to her comfortably mundane, yet busy duties.

Another five minutes passed, when he resurfaced from the toilets.  She chose to ignore him, psyching herself up for her impending departure.

Just five more minute then you won’t have to deal with this shit.

He approached the reception desk. She continued to look at the cards on her computer monitor. She wouldn’t put up with him, she told herself.  And she didn’t have to,. As he reached the reception desk he continued walking up to the door that led into the internal offices. Arriving at the door, he reached for his swipe card, swiped the door release and disappeared into the trenches.

Tiffany let out a sigh of relief.  However, about 30 seconds later the door opened again. Tiffany turned to see his head poking out of the door way.

“Hey Tiff, I forgot to give you a package for the courier. He will be coming in 20 minutes to pick it up.”

“Which file is it for?”

“Oh no, it’s personal.”

“What ever.”

Tiffany couldn’t care what the package was for. She just wanted to make this transaction seamlessly  so that she could get back to her real work as soon as possible.  He walked through the door and stood at the reception desk and passed her the package. Tiffany was mortified.

“What the hell is this?”

Tiffany quickly put the “package” on the desk.

“That is not a package!”

“Yeah it is. It’s a sample.”

Tiffany didn’t know what to do. Sitting on the reception desk was a pee cup, filled with yellow liquid.

“Is that your piss?”

“Yes. It’s a sample for my doctor. He wants to see if there are any changes from the other week.”

“Why is it going by courier?”

“Because I don’t have time to visit my doctor’s surgery during working hours.”

“And why the hell isn’t it actually in a package.”

“It’s a medical courier. This is how they take it.”

Tiffany’s heart started racing. She couldn’t fathom what was happening. She couldn’t contemplate sitting next to his urine.

“Well there is no way that I am dealing with that. It’s your piss. You can hold it until he arrives.”

“Oh come on, it’s sealed in a container. Besides, I’m busy.”

“I don’t care…”

Half way through her sentence the lift bell rang and the doors opened. Gertie emerged.

“Screw this. Sorry Gertie, this is your problem now!”

Tiffany took out her swipe card, swiped the door release and ran back to her desk, leaving Gertie confused and looking at him for answers.

“So Gertie, I have a package for you to give to a courier.”

This is the Chronicles of Creepy Pants.

Stay tuned for Episode 22: My Funny Valentine

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