Episode 7: The Game

“I have all the beauty I need right in front of me.”

It was Saturday night and he was feeling pumped. He was dressed in his finest Ed Harry suit, he had secured a date, and he was off to the Burswood Casino for a formal ball, held by an up-and-coming Perth recruitment agency.

His date was actually his good friend and they were going together just as that: friends. This suited him just fine. The ball a gala event, packed full of single women of all colours, shapes and sizes, and he was looking to play the Game.

He was a devoted follower to Neil Strauss and the Game. That is, Strauss’ best-selling handbook, The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists. This book gave him the tools to talk his way into the bedroom of any girl who was ripe for the picking.

His deference to The Game had led him to a Perth online community. It provided him with a forum to discuss pick up techniques. There was an anthology of sexy stories, right at his fingertips. He had an endless supply of wing men just a few clicks away whenever he was in the mood to for a night on the town. They were an assemblage of like-minded cads. It really was a great resource.

But tonight he didn’t need to dip into his online resources because he had an even more valuable gem on his arm – a Wing Woman.

He and his Wing Woman arrived at the ball at 7.00pm, enjoyed some polite conversation with amongst the crowd, and enjoyed a light beer. He was careful not to drink too much as he was on a mission and needed to keep on top of his senses.

After about an hour of mingling, he saw her: The Target. She was a homely girl with loose, mousey curls and a stiff, pink dress that covered her shoulders and her shins. She was perfectly adequate, however she was accompanied by an older woman: The Obstacle.

He and his Wing Woman needed to Approach the Target and Open. His plan was to use his Wing Woman as a Pivot to get to The Target. They approached and he delivered his Opener:

“So, my friend here, *WING WOMAN* recently adopted a three-legged dog from the pound and we are trying to decide what to name her. Do you guys have any ideas?”

The Target and the Obstacle seemed confused, but genuinely intrigued. His Opener had worked. Soon, there were introductions and they were each having a jolly good time.

Usually at this point he would need to Demonstrate Value in order to keep the Target interested: women get approached by thousands of men on any given night, so a Pick Up Artist needs to demonstrate to a Target that he has some skills that set him apart from the pack.

Like a joke.

Or a magic trick.

Or a mad dance move.

However, on this night the Target seemed keen, so he decided not to go with the flow for now. Besides, he hadn’t rehearsed his Value in a while.

The Obstacle turned out to be the Target’s mother and he needed to win her over to ensure he had any chance with the Target. Fortunately, the Wing Woman’s presence alone helped demonstrate that he had enough sensitivity to have female friends. This, he had decided, was sure to impress the Obstacle. The Wing Woman had the simultaneous function of making the Target subconsciously feel jealous and possessive, thereby creating a bit of sexual tension and desire. She was a real two-for-one deal.

The night had been going swimmingly and after half an hour of delightful chatter, he decided it was time to Isolate the Target. He signalled to the Wing Woman with a pre-rehearsed wink-and-a-nod, and the Wing Woman immediately took action.

“Hey *OBSTACLE*, would you like to come with me to get some punch? You can tell me some more about scrap-booking.”

“That would be wonderful.”

Now that he had isolated the Target, he needed to extract her to a Seduction Location. He did this by creating an Emotional Connection.

“There is this really amazing painting in the hallway. You know, the painting looks exactly like you!”

“Really, what painting?”

“It’s out in the hallway. Would you like me to show you?”

He escorted the Target out of the security of the rambunctious ballroom and into the softly lit echoes of the narrow, winding hallway. They were all alone. He led her down the winding walls and stopped her in front of an unusual abstract painting with splashes of orange, beige and pewter. It was not what would conventionally be described as handsome.

She stared at the painting and lingered. As she stared, he positioned himself directly behind her, ready to make the Physical Connection. She tilted her head to the left and squinted her eyes in confusion.

“This painting…. it’s ugly(?)!”

He placed his hands on her hips, spun her around and looked deep into her eyes.

“I have all the beauty I need right in front of me.”

He then moved in and kissed her.

On the neck.


It was now time for him to make his exit in order to prevent the Target’s Last Minute Resistance to his sexual advances. He couldn’t take her now. Not with the Obstacle in the other room! He needed to end things quickly in order to create intrigue for the coming weeks.

He took out his phone and looked at the screen. It was blank.

“Oh, my friend *WING WOMAN* is waiting for me. Her father is expecting her home by 10 sharp.”

“Oh, okay…”

“But what steps can we take to continue his conversation in the future?”

This was a crucial way for him to close the event. A Pick Up Artist never gives a girl his phone number, because she might not call.

“I could give you my number.”

Another Success.

“Now let’s see how your mother is doing.”

This is the Chronicles of Creepy Pants.

Stay tuned for Episode 8: Dancing Queen


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